Posturing

Kenizzites elders are like stealthy, subconscious thoughts that flash upon receptors of the mind, now and then. If you're paying close attention to what the tribe is proposing, you might get a sense of their presence as they pull their supple strings. If you actually catch sight of them as they bustle about, look hard, but be quick about it; for their features remain fade the longer you look, and the confusion will make you forget what's on your mind.

Don't kid yourself. They're on to you.  They can read what you think you know, and they'll adjust what they're saying to bring you around to their point of view, in the same way a breeze catches hold of the sail and swings the boom to the other side. The more detailed your perceptions of what they might expect of you, the more disappointed you will be when that proves not to be the case.

A puzzling emptiness will fill your mind when they are gone, and you'll console yourself with congratulations that you almost had it down pat. And, indeed, you no-doubt did; but the details pixilated when they turned their backs, and then they ran off into nothing as the Kenizzites left the room. They gave you nothing to follow beyond the fire they kindled in your belly. The discomfort in your soul is all that is left of them.

They left you as a mad man, conflicted to your core. You are useless, both to yourself and to your brothers. Find focus. Drive a nail in time. Right yourself, and stand up straight as you face our future together. All is  not lost. There will be a recovery, and you must be ready for it. Set your will. Using your intelligence as a battering ram, thrust out the heft of your thoughts, this way and that: again and again. Find that sweet spot, and attack it. I know it seems quite hopeless, but give it a try. The curve of a feature or the edge of an aspect will trigger the right action in the right moment. It doesn't matter that your consciousness is ragged and numb. So much the better!

When we're exhausted but not willing to let go, the mind continues to send out its tentacles, this way and that. When thoughts turn to past experiences, the memory is mined. It's all dragged out for inspection: means and methods of sustenance, theories, relationships, pains, pleasures, missed opportunities? Maybe, even, not-so-close calls?

Going over it all, there's not an unquestioned thing left you can think of, and there's still no answer. You're no longer certain there's a question. Determined to salvage something out of so much effort, you decide that no answer is a non-answer, mad that that is an answer, in itself. Driven by your discouragement, you question remote possibilities that, in all likelihood, have nothing to do with you or anything you've ever done or thought of, so far. Still nothing? Well, that's an understanding, of sorts.

To make do with nothing, you feign contentment, and you sit upon intangibles like a hen upon its nest. You persist because, just there! While you were thinking of something else, it was just there! But that "there" is going too, now. You've gained  no inkling of its source or its destination; and so you wait. It can't have gone far; for it was just here, there, wherever!

Disgusted with yourself, you forget what you can and pretend you forgot it all. The last time, or the time before it, you were very close to erasing the scar of your perplexity. You happened to notice, but you also noticed a troublesome premonition. Not willing to be fooled again, you manage at long last to let it go. Then, one morning before breakfast, you remember, and there it is, again, just begging to reward your patience. The day is filled with things you absolutely must do, so you are about to truly walk away, when that inner voice starts nagging, refusing to let you go.

Alas! That's where the problem began, and as you take up the morning chores, the understanding that was just taking on real language receded to the back of your mind, where it again disappeared. Just like that! The Kenizzites would help you hunt for it, but they would need a phrase to start them off. Even they weren't sure of the things they did, but they knew their methods, and answers like at the end of gauntlets. If they could punctuate with the history of your confusion with the benefit of their counsel, it would arm all systems, and they would be reedy to go.

As hunters of Canaan, the Kenizzites became proficient at supplying the wherewithal to go forward. Not so inventive as they, the Kenites compensated by their dogged persistence. They would see to it that they saw to it, or they would punish the whole clan until someone came up with the answer that met the mass raging within their hearts. As recognition shot back and forth, temperatures would rise, and the bonfire of Canaanite supremacy would become apparent to all, bringing fear and paving the way to their victory on the battlefield.

The Kenites are satisfied that the Kenizzites will be impressed with their ardor. They are forever welcome in the Kenite enclave, which is proud to assist in the application of their skills. Their coordinated impact will make the Canaanites fearsome adversaries. It simply had to be so if other nations are to be expected to honor their holdings in the land. Canaan's blood sacrifice, if it should come down to that, would be rewarded with the spoil. It is only just that it be so; for they will have earned it, a thousand times over.

The forest, the widow's house, the orphan's table? Trivia! Nothing can be permitted to stand in their way, because their work puts food on the table and roofs over heads; and it will mean peace, when this present conflict is over and order is restored. Monopolies are won with great sacrifice.

The Kenites have learned their trade. When commodities are scarce, the they do not hesitate to practice the arts of death; for the well-being of mankind depends upon it. The Kenites have become specialized "warriors," as some translate their tribal name. They pursue their need for survival and success within the dimensions of intentional, prolonged warfare. It's their vocation to annihilate competition and to establish the Canaanite "brand" as the territorial standard in their many "lands"-- in the areas of endeavor they see as belonging exclusively to them. They comprehend need; they understand the cycles of supply and demand, and they act. Meekness is far from their hearts.