shadow,
shade;
to roast,
braise.

Too often disappointed, Zillah had, long ago, abandoned x pursuit of any grand role l in life h; and she feared x punishment l  for what she saw as her weakness h. She’d lost interest x in disciplining l her reactions h,  because it never seemed to work; and her mounting frustration x had subverted l her confidence, making her captive to regret. She was faced with impossible choices h!

Suspicion x had become the driving force l in Zillah's life h because she so dreaded q juggling complex k options, which might change in an instant h. Experience x had taught her l to be distrustful h, even of her own self j; so she had learned to dodge x direct challenges l, when possible h. Her only remaining hope was that she might avoid q further exposure k of her vulnerabilities h.